Floating In Memory
by Zanna 186
Summary: Have you ever wondered what Tinga's life was like leading up to HASB, or what happened to her in the tank? This is it. It's not a fairytale.


Title: Floating In Memory

Author: Zanna

E-mail: zanna186@yahoo.ca

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone except Mrs. Phelps and Anita, and I'm not making any money off of them either, so don't even bother trying to sue me because all you'll get is my sewing machine.

Rating: PG-13 language warning

A/N: I know that I said that my first story would be my only story. Well… I was wrong. The crunching sound you here in the background is me eating my words. Mmmmm… yummy. Being a mother myself, I've identified with the Tinga character since seeing Hit A Sista Back. The tragic circumstances of this episode inspired me to write her story as I imagined it might be.

Acknowledgements: There are a few people I would like to thank this time. First, I'd like to thank my husband for providing me with a lot of the technical background info for this story. He also made sure that Tinga didn't end up being an utter wuss. Next, I'd like to thank my beta, a fan, for being more helpful with the actual writing than my husband. She helped steer me in the right direction for the ending when I got a bit lost. And lastly, I'd like to thank everyone who read and reviewed my first story for all your kind words and encouragement. You guys are the best!

The last thing that I remember was Brin punching me in me in the face and knocking me out cold. The next thing I knew, I woke up here, suspended in a tank of green tinted water. No, not water. I can still breathe. Must be some kind of super-oxygenated liquid solution. I'm floating in a rat's nest of tubes attached to various parts of my body. What on earth are they for? Across the room, I can see a man in a lab coat sitting behind some kind of control console. What's going on? Where am I? I was supposed to be taken back to Manticore for re-indoctrination, but this doesn't look like any kind of re-indoctrination technique I've ever heard of. When I try to tug at the tubes, I discover that I can't move. In fact, I can't feel anything below my neck. They've paralyzed me. Shit! This is not good. This is not good at all. Then, a woman enters the room. She has bleached blond hair and dark glittering eyes. As she approaches the tank, she watches me with a hunger in her eyes that I can't even begin to fathom. Something about her makes me very uneasy. I don't like her, not one little bit. What does she want from me? Then, the corners of her mouth turn up in the most menacing smile I've ever seen. This bitch is scary, but I remind myself that I'm an X5 and she's only human. I can beat this. I can beat her. I look into the face of my enemy. Her eyes are so calculating and so very, very cold.

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It's so cold, but I don't even notice it. I can see my breath puffing out of me in clouds. The snow crunches cold and crisp under my feet with each step. Syl is just ahead of me. We're racing through the trees. We've just made it over the perimeter fence, but we still have to get through the forest. All around me I can hear the sound of gunfire, the whine of snowmobiles, and the steady thrum of helicopters overhead. I'm terrified, but also exhilarated. This is the best game of Escape and Evade ever! Looking back, we see men in the distance, tacking back and forth between the trees. I zoom my vision on them. They're armed with Tasers and wearing heat sensing goggles. Shit! We're going to stand out like neon signs! We dive into a snowdrift, hoping to mask our heat signatures. Crawling on our bellies, we make our way through one snowdrift after another. After several hours of this, periodically coming up for air and to listen for sounds of pursuit, we finally stop to rest.

"Do you hear anything?" Syl whispers.

"No… wait! One man on a snowmobile, coming towards us," I hiss back at her. The search must be thinning out.

"If we can take out the driver, we've got our transport out of here," she says eagerly.

"I'll take the driver, you get the snowmobile."

"Got it!"

We tuck our legs underneath us, getting ready to spring forward as the whine of the snowmobile gets louder and louder. It's going to pass by very close. At the last possible second, I launch myself out of the snowdrift and into the driver, sending both of us tumbling across the snow. I'm on my feet in an instant. He's not as quick. Stumbling groggily, he reaches for his radio. I can't let him call for backup. A swift kick to his abdomen sends the air whooshing out of his lungs and also shatters his radio. Another kick snaps his head back, and he's down for the count.

I look up just in time to get a face full of snow as the snowmobile skids to a halt in front of me. "Syl!" Scowling in annoyance, I wipe the clumps of snow off my face and fling a handful of it back at her head.

She ducks and laughs. "C'mon." She grins exultantly. "Are you coming, or are you going to wait around for spring thaw?" I climb onto the back of the snowmobile and wrap my arms around her waist as we take off across the snow.

Several hours later, the forest is long behind us, and there are no signs of pursuit. We stop as the pale light of dawn starts to appear on the eastern horizon. For a long while, we just sit and watch the pastel hues of the sunrise. It's so beautiful. Back at Manticore, we always got up before dawn for training exercises, but we were never allowed to stop and admire the sunrise.

I turn to grin at Syl. We made it! Eventually, we'll have to ditch the snowmobile when it runs out of gas. And not long after that, we'll have to split up. I don't want to leave Syl to face the outside world alone, but there is no other choice for us. Splitting up will make it that much harder for Manticore to track down all of us. But for now, we're together. Lydecker is going to regret just how well he taught us because nothing's going to stop us. For now, and for however long we can make it last, we're free.

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I was free, and I tried so hard to make it last as long as I possibly could. I never did see Syl again. Zack made contact with me years ago to tell me that he was watching out for all of us, but he refused to tell me where the others were or even how many of us got away. I begged him to tell me at least where Syl was, but he wouldn't hear any of it. Every time I tried to broach the subject with him, he'd go all 'stone wall' on me, spouting off about 'security risks' and 'tactical exposure'. He never understood. Syl and I had been through hell and heaven together. We endured every ordeal that Manticore threw at us together, and we had our first taste of freedom together. She's my sister, and I just wanted to know if she was okay.

I've been cooling my heels in this tank for hours now. If this is some kind of new reprogramming procedure, then bring it on! No, scratch that. The more delays the better. Confusion to the enemy! I look around me at the tank itself, assessing my chances of getting myself out of here. The walls are too thick for me to kick my way out from the inside, and even if I did manage to get out, I'd still need some kind of medical assistance to get all this gunk out of my lungs. No, I'll just have to wait until they let me out. That's okay. I can wait.

Suddenly, the man behind the control console comes towards me. As he reaches the tank, he kneels down to open a panel at the base of the tank. He starts making some kind of adjustment to the wiring inside. Oh, are we experiencing some technical difficulties? Good! I hope he electrocutes himself. When he's finally done, he closes up the panel and gets up to leave. Damn, no such luck. As he reaches eye level with me, our eyes lock momentarily through the glass. A look of profound pity crosses his face before he abruptly turns and walks away. Why does he feel sorry for me? I twist my head back and forth in frustration. I feel like a goddamn fish in a goldfish bowl! I even have someone on the other side of the glass to watch me squirm.

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"You're in luck, Mrs. Phelps. There's one last blueberry danish left." I smile at one of my regulars, a middle-aged woman with a face full of dimples and laugh lines, a rarity in this post-pulse age.

"You know me, dear. Gotta have my daily fix. No one makes them like you do."

"Well… you know I make them just for you."

As I lean into the display case with my tongs, I hear the bell on the door chiming as someone else enters the bakery. "I'll be with you in just a minute," I call out to the newcomer. As I snag the last blueberry danish off its tray, I notice the newcomer watching me on the other side of the display case. Our eyes lock through the glass. He has such a look of open curiosity on his face. And then, he smiles…

I don't know how long I was leaning over like that, watching the stranger's face through the glass, but it was long enough for Mrs. Phelps to start getting impatient. "Um, dear… my danish?"

I straighten up with a jerk. "Right!" I quickly stuff her danish into a bag and hand it over in exchange for her money.

Her gaze slides back and forth between me and the stranger before finally settling on me. I can feel the blush creeping up my neck as I hand over her change. "You have yourself a good night, dear," she says knowingly over her shoulder as she leaves.

For a moment, I pretend to tidy up, almost too embarrassed to look at him. I must look like an idiot! When I finally look up, he's still there with that smile on his face. He extends his hand over the counter. "Hi. The name's Charlie."

After a moment's hesitation, I take his hand and give him my latest alias. "Penny. What can I get for you?"

"Huh? Oh… right." He looks down at the display case, as if noticing it for the first time. "What do you have?"

"Well, there's not a lot left at this time of day, we're just about to close, but we still have some muffins, bagels and some whole grain loaves."

"I'll take two of everything." I should have known something was up then. He gets as far as the door, with his arms full of bags, when he turns back towards me. "Um… are you doing anything after you get off work?"

"Not really. Just going home."

"Would you like to have dinner with me?" He lifts up the bags. "I've got plenty."

I'm about to say no, but then he smiles again and I find myself saying, "Sure. Just let me close up."

After closing up the shop, we wander off into the night. We don't go any place in particular. We just walk and talk. He seems to be giving me a tour of all his favorite places in the city. Finally, we end up on a park bench where we work through the contents of his bags. He tells me everything about himself, his family and friends, his job, his hopes and his fears. I take it all in, fascinated. It all sounds so wonderfully normal. No running, no hiding, no aliases, just a family that he cares about, a job that he's good at and friends that he can kick it with. He has no idea how lucky he is, how much I wish I could have the things he takes for granted. I start wishing I could have those things with him. He's so much older than I am, but it doesn't seem to matter. I've never clicked with anyone so fast before.

He finally stops talking, embarrassed. "I've been rattling on about myself for hours, but for some reason, I feel like I can talk to you about everything. Now, what about you? Tell me about yourself. The only things you've said, so far, are that you were raised in an orphanage and you work in a bakery."

I look down, shrugging my shoulders. "Not much to tell, really."

"C'mon, there must be something. I want to know everything about you."

I look up at him. Can I really tell him the truth? Can I trust him not to freak out? In a moment of daring, I decide to try.

"Charlie, please don't freak out at what I'm about to say. You've told me everything about yourself, and I want to be as honest with you. The truth is, I wasn't raised in an orphanage. I was born in a covert genetics lab run by the military. It was their goal to produce the perfect soldier using recombinant DNA. I'm one of their prototypes. I wasn't raised so much as I was trained. We underwent rigorous, sometimes brutal, physical and mental training. We were being taught how to fight and to kill, and some of us weren't making it. You see… they were still trying to come up with the perfect combination of DNA. We were all just prototypes. There were… flaws, the most common one being seizures. Every time a flaw showed up in one of us, one of us would disappear. My brother, Jack, was dragged away after he collapsed with a seizure during line up. We never saw him again. His bed was stripped to the springs. And if that didn't get us, the training exercises did. Some of them were deadly. Try to imagine children being let loose in a forest with assault rifles and live rounds. In the winter of '09, some of us escaped. We just had to get away. They were taking us out one by one. We've been on the run ever since. I'm not even entirely sure if I'm human." I finally run out of things to say.

I look over at him hesitantly. "Charlie, say something."

He smiles at me. "You're joking, right?" When I don't answer, his smile becomes less certain. "Penny?" When I still don't answer, his smile disappears altogether and is replaced by a look of horror.

Oh shit! What have I done? He can't handle it. This something between us is going to be over before it's even had a chance to start. I don't want it to end yet. I've only known him a few hours and I already know that he's not like any man I've ever met before. I'll do whatever it takes to have a chance with him, even if I have to lie to him.

I finally let out a nervous laugh. "Just kidding."

After a moment's pause, he joins me. "Geez, Penny! You really had me going there for a minute. Could you go easy on this kind of humor from now on? I don't think my heart can take it."

I lean into his shoulder as he puts his arm around me. It feels so safe, sitting here next to him, but it also feels like a part of me is dying. No matter how long we're together, there will always be this lie between us. He'll never know me for who I truly am. He doesn't even know my real name.

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I told myself afterwards that it didn't matter that he didn't believe me. I told myself that it was unlikely that things would actually get serious between us, and if they did, I'd try again and somehow make him believe me. But then things did get serious between us one day when, on that very same park bench, he gave me a bagel with an engagement ring tied around it. And I couldn't bring myself to tell him. Then I told myself that I'd try again if we ever had kids, but when Case was born nine months later, I still couldn't do it. Every time I thought of trying, I'd remember that look on his face, and the fear of losing him would well up in my throat and stop the words from coming out.

But the truth has a way of catching up with everyone, even us X5s. Charlie eventually saw the truth and had no other choice than to believe. Nothing like seeing your wife punching a hole in a wall and pulling a gun out to clue you in on the real that maybe she's not normal. I'll never forget the stunned look on his face. For a while, it looked like I had every reason to be afraid, that he wouldn't be able to handle it. He kept looking at me as if he didn't even know me. But when I agreed to give myself up to save Case, he clung to me, saying he couldn't bear to lose me again. He told me that he loved me. And he finally knew my real name. I'll always be grateful for that. No matter what they do to me, they'll never be able to take that away from me.

Suddenly, I notice one of the tubes brushing against my arm. I can feel it! If I concentrate hard enough, I can just barely move my fingers. Whatever they did to paralyze me must be wearing off. Finally, something's happening. But the next sensation that rips through me leaves me stunned and gasping. Pain! Searing pain pulsates through me in waves. My body starts to convulse to the beat of my heart. I look down at the tubes attached to me. They're filling up with a straw colored fluid that is being siphoned out of me. My God! What are they doing to me?! This isn't a reprogramming. This is a harvesting! I'm in deep shit! They don't intend for me to ever leave this tank alive. My only chance now is for Zack or Max to find out where I am and get me out of here. The pain is excruciating! My mind races back to every pain blocking technique that Lydecker ever taught us, but I can't keep this up indefinitely. It's eventually going to wear me down. Will I be able to hold out long enough?

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"SOMEONE GET THIS KID OUT OF ME NOW!" I fall back against the pillows, panting. My hair is plastered to my face with sweat. I've been using every pain blocking technique that Lydecker ever taught us, but this labor has been going on for nineteen hours and I don't know if I can hold out much longer.

"Try to relax, Penny." Charlie is at the foot of our bed, where he's been bracing my left foot. He rubs my knee in a vain attempt to soothe me. "It'll all be over soon."

"Relax? Relax! YOU RELAX! You're not the one who's trying to pass something the size of a watermelon! This is all your fault! You did this to me! I wouldn't have to go through this if it weren't for you! NEVER TOUCH ME AGAIN!"

Charlie blushes beet red and glances nervously at Anita, my midwife. "Aheh… she's not usually like this"

"Don't worry about it, Charlie," Anita says with a reassuring grin. "I see this all the time."

"AND STOP TALKING ABOUT ME AS IF I'M NOT EVEN HERE!" I shout at them.

"Calm down, Penny," Anita tells me sternly. "This isn't helping your baby. Another really big push ought to do it. Your baby is almost here. The head is already crowning."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Your baby has beautiful dark hair, just like yours."

My abdomen starts to clench in another contraction. "Guys… I can feel another one coming on!"

They both take up their positions, each one bracing one of my feet. "C'mon, Penny. Push, push, push, push, push!"

"That's it!"

"Keep on going!"

"You're almost there!"

I can't tell who's saying what. They're both cheering me on, and I'm so sick of the pep squad! I want to punch them both, but I'm too busy with the contraction. I let out a guttural scream and bear down as hard as I can.

"Just a little bit more!"

"Good one!"

"The head's out!"

Anita looks up at me. "Okay, Penny. You can stop pushing now. Just let the contraction do the rest of the work."

I let out an explosive breath and sink back into the pillows, exhausted. I can feel the silliest grin plastered on my face. It's over! Yippee. Suddenly, an infant squall captures my attention.

"It's a boy!" Anita holds him up for me to see. He's all covered in blood and vernix, and I can't take my eyes off him. She gently lays him on my chest. He stops crying almost as soon as he touches me. Charlie brings over a soft, clean towel and helps me dry off our son while Anita tends to the umbilical cord and the afterbirth.

Finally, I look up at Charlie, elated. "Charlie, we have a baby boy."

He's smiling and crying at the same time. Brushing his tears aside, he pulls me towards him and plants a fierce kiss on my lips. "I love you, Penny. He's beautiful, just like you."

Looking down at our son, I notice that he's watching me with such a serious expression on his tiny face. I bury my nose in his fuzzy black hair. As his scent fills my nose and throat, something fierce begins to stir in the back of my brain. I will never let anyone hurt you. You are mine to protect. Let everyone beware! Case is here and he has an X5 for a momma! My baby… my beautiful baby boy.

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Case! Where is he? What's happening to him? They were supposed to take only me and leave Charlie and Case alone, but I heard Lydecker on the radio trying to find out why Delta team had tried to take my son. Did they succeed, or were Charlie and Case able to get away? Was Max able to protect them? What's going on? Not knowing is far worse than anything they've done to me so far. This is all my fault. If I had just told Charlie sooner, we could all have been safe by now. Something in the back of my brain is howling with rage and frustration. Case needs me! He's my son! He's mine to protect! I should be with him!

The blond haired woman is back. She's pacing back and forth, watching me like a cat watches a mouse. I watch as she stops to talk to the technician. Her eyes narrow in annoyance at whatever answer he gives her. Impatient, are we? She reaches into her pocket, takes out a cell phone and starts talking. I can't hear what she's saying, but a smug smile appears on her face. Must be talking to her next victim. She finishes her call and leaves. I hate her! If she's the one who gave the order for those men to go after my son, I swear if I ever get out of here, I will kill her with my bare hands! I know what she wants now. She wants the fluid that's being drained out of me. What does she want it for? Why does she need it? I've done everything that I know of to block the pain. I've even managed to slow down the harvesting process, but I haven't been able to stop it. Slowly but surely, they're getting what they want out of me, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. This has been going on now for hours… days… weeks? I can't tell any longer. I'm so tired, so very, very tired.

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"C'mon, Case." I'm carrying him into his bedroom. "You're tired. It's time for bed."

"I'm not tired." He mumbles into my shoulder.

"Yes, you are."

"No, I'm not."

I tuck him into bed and brush the hair out of his eyes. "Yes, you are. You've had a very busy day today, your first day at school." I sit down next to him on the bed.

"Tell me a story, Mommy."

"Which one do you want to hear."

"The one about the princess and the castle."

"Again? Oh… alright. Once upon a time, there was a princess named Tinga. She lived in a castle far, far away with her brothers and sisters, whom she loved very, very much."

"Tell me their names."

"Okay. There was Prince Zack, Prince Zane, Prince Ben, Prince Jack, Princess Jondy, Princess Syl, Princess Max, Princess Brin, and Princess Eva."

"You forgot Prince Krit and Princess Jace."

"Oh… right, mustn't forget Prince Krit and Princess Jace. Hey! Who's telling this story, you or me?"

I can hear him giggling. "You, Mommy."

"The castle was a bad place, ruled by an evil king. He hurt the children and made them do terrible things. But the children had each other and, at night, Prince Ben would tell them stories about the Blue Lady, who watched over them, and about the Good Place where everyone was safe and happy and free. One day, Prince Jack got sick and he was taken away and fed to the Nomalies in the basement. All the children were very afraid, and they missed Prince Jack terribly. Prince Zack took all of them to the high place and told them a secret. We have to get away, he said, or we'll all be fed to the Nomalies, too. So they started planning their escape. On the night of the escape, Princess Eva was killed by the evil king, and Princess Jace stayed behind."

"Why did she stay behind?"

"Oh, I don't know. I think, maybe, she was more scared of the outside world than she was of the evil king. But Princess Tinga and Princess Syl got away that night."

"How 'bout the others?"

"Some of them got away, too, but Princess Tinga was never able to find out for sure how many."

"What happened to Princess Tinga after she got away?" He yawns sleepily.

"She grew up and met a handsome prince. They fell in love and had a family."

"Did they live happily ever after?" He asks. He can barely keep his eyes open now.

"I don't know, baby. They're trying. I think they're doing okay."

I kiss the top of his head. Out like a light.

Every time I look at him, he takes my breath away. He's half me, half Charlie, and all Case. My heart swells with a mother's pride. He's so smart and so perceptive for his age, and he's growing so fast. But with my pride comes an edge of worry. He's a little too smart, a little too perceptive. He's stronger, faster and more agile than the other kids his age, too. I've managed to keep it low-key so far, but now that he's started school, people are going to start noticing how advanced he is. It's going to draw the kind of attention that could put all of us at risk. What do I do now? Do I tell him to hide his abilities, to lie to his teachers about the things that he can do? What reason could I possibly give him that wouldn't scare him? It's not fair! His childhood should be carefree, not overshadowed by his mother's secrets. Have I ever really escaped Manticore? I have a family now, a husband and a son, but I'm still hiding, still looking over my shoulder. Will we ever truly be safe? What if I have to go on the run someday and leave them behind? How could I bear to do that to them? Sometimes, I wish the three of us could just go some place far away. But what explanation could I give them for uprooting them and dragging them into hiding with me? Sometimes, I wish I'd never met Charlie. My life would be so much simpler, and his life would be so much safer. Sometimes, I wish the rest of the world would just go away.

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It feels like I've been hanging in this tank forever. The pain is gone now. All I feel is a numbing cold. I should be grateful, but I know that this is not a good sign. I look down at my body. I can see my veins, dark and vivid, through my skin. They got everything they wanted from me and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it. I look out at the technician behind the console. He stares resolutely at his equipment. Coward! He doesn't even have the guts to look at what he's done to me.

Everything's starting to go gray. Am I dying? I don't want to die! I'm not done with this life yet! There's still so much that I want to do. I want to see Manticore burn to the ground! If I could personally deliver that blond bitch to hell, I would! I want to see Syl again. I don't even know what she looks like now. Does she still have the same impish grin that I remember? I want to grow old with Charlie and be there to answer all his questions, with nothing between us except the truth. He barely got a chance to really know me before losing me again. I want to be there for Case. He still needs me. Now that Manticore knows that he exists, they're never going to stop looking for him. Who's going to keep him safe?

A thousand sensations fill my mind… training exercises… muscles flowing… On your feet, soldier! … snow under my feet and in my face… Charlie's mouth on mine, his hands in my hair… dough under my hands… the taste of fresh baked bread… the scent of Case's hair.

A thousand faces flow into one another… Lydecker… Zack… Syl… Charlie… Ben… Max… Case… Jondy… Eva… Jace… Zane… Krit… Brin… Jack.

I can't see anymore. No! I don't want to go yet! What's going to happen to me now? Were all the stories that Ben told us true? Will I see the Blue Lady when I close my eyes? I'm trying so hard to stay, but everything's slipping away no matter how hard I try to hang on.

I'm sorry Charlie… I'm sorry Case… I love you both… Please, be safe… Please, don't forget me.

The world is gone now. I'm floating in light! Where am I now? Is this the Good Place?

I finally let go. I finally stop fighting.

  
I will never be punished.   
I will never be yelled at.   
I will never disappear.   
And when I wake up in the morning,   
I can stay in bed as long as I like. 

- The end -


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